It is the early afternoon and my eye catches the clock, “Only 2pm,” I think to myself. “4 or 5 more hours until my husband comes home, and I have nothing left to do.” I may be the only mother (of one child) in the world who feels this way, or maybe I’m just the only mother who is bold enough to say so, but there are many days where I am just simply bored. I feel as though I am the lone ranger with this experience since every time I am brave enough to say it aloud to other moms, I am met with disdain. “You’re bored?” they reply as their eyes widen and the judgment begins. “How could you be bored?” they ask. Immediately I am struck with guilt, for as the questioning begins, the idea that maybe I’m not a “good mother” arises and leaves me feeling inept. I believe there are two perspectives that come into play from these judgy-judgersons : 1. You are not caring for your child, home, husband, whatever…enough. 2. Why doesn’t your child fulfill and satisfy your every need? To both of these I say “screw you” and attempt to carry on my day as if the encounter did not occur.
It is simple, I get my shit done by mid-week at the latest, and am left with nothing to do for the remainder of the week. Sometimes I add a little extra pizazz to my life and stretch out my errands so that every day I have something to tackle, but no matter how it’s sliced, I almost always have several days, or afternoons of boredom.
As for my son fulfilling my every need, I am not quite certain how a nine month old baby could possibly be held to such a standard. Children are a blessing, but they do not complete you. They add joy, happiness, and a whole lot of stress and upper back pain to your life ( I seriously don’t think the burning between my shoulder blades will ever go away). They are amazing and terrible at the same time, they are a miracle, and a gift from God, but they do not complete you.
I am bored and it’s ok. I don’t want or need pity, I only want other new parents who have a similar experience to understand that they are not alone. Such is life. Prior to my new employment opportunity as a mother, I can not recall one job where I was never bored or dissatisfied occasionally. I understand that I am lucky to be able to “stay at home” with my son and am not complaining. I simply need to announce that no matter how many story-times we attend, trips to Target that we take, walks we go on, and mothers groups I join, many are the days where I am counting the minutes until my husband comes home. I am happy, and I am blessed, but I am sometimes bored.